Someone asked me today how things have changed for me in the past six months or so, what it felt like, how I knew I was making progress. I have almost daily epiphanies about one aspect or another of human society, and sometimes I forget these “lessons” as soon as I have them. But some have stuck.
I’ve always had a TON of emotional empathy, and have always been able to feel other people’s pain, sometimes too much. But people’s motivations and the reasons why they did they things they did always eluded me. Then I began to have all these realisations–the proverbial pennies were dropping. I started to be able to see some similarities with myself in people–and just how different I was from everyone else, and in what ways.
I am starting to be able to understand people’s behaviour, what motivates them. What motivates a lot of other people doesn’t motivate female aspies as much. Now I’m at the point where I’m starting to be able to predict people’s behaviour, to a certain extent. I started to be able to understand my own feelings, and how I might get along with certain types of people, what types of people were good for me and who were bad influences. I can analyse my emotions a bit better, and figure out what I am feeling a bit better. (Sometimes we are “emotionally blind” to ourselves.)
I can also accept other people’s shortcomings far more readily, and am a lot more delicate with people. Now that I understand that their feelings are just as strong as mine, even if they don’t express them, I can be a nicer person in general. So I got that going for me, which is good. 🙂
I just broke up with a guy who I was seeing for about three weeks. He was really sweet, but not for me. Really hot-tempered and chatty, and for what I want to do, I can’t have a boyfriend who I’m having to get out of trouble all the time. I wanted to give him a chance though, so we got to know each other, and he was a bit smitten, I think. He was the first guy who had been really nice to me for a long time. He said some of the nicest things anyone ever’s said to me to my face. But I knew it couldn’t go on, so I tried to end it as gently as possible. He went predictably ballistic, and said I was a terrible person, amoral, that I only wanted him for sex (seriously, I’m not kidding–I don’t even like sex that much), but the worst was that he said I was “faking” my Asperger’s just to have an excuse to be a terrible person. He decided over night that he is a psychiatrist, and went from saying the nicest things to me, to saying the worst. Not emotionally stable. I realised that, and broke it off.
This story is to illustrate how far I’ve come. Years ago, I would get a crush on a guy, going into my submissive woman/Italian housewife/pornstar mode, get him to love me, and proceed right away into co-habitation mode. THEN I’d realise that the guy isn’t quite what I hoped. Ok, that’s normal, but I’m putting it mildly. THEN I’d realise that I had been completely wrong about the guy, and that he was more than a bit of an asshole. NO MORE!!! Now I can figure out what kind of guy is right for me, who would be bad for me, and mesh what I want with what I need. This is a BIG STEP! For boy-crazy me, at least. 🙂